I know I’m in here, mixed in with Wife and Mommy, Chef and Housewife, Milkmaid and Wardrobe Manager. I find myself every now and then when the house is quiet and my brain has room to wander. I sit in front of the computer, fingers poised over the keys, ready and willing to write, to tidy my cluttered thoughts.
And then I’m gone again.
I need to dust. I need to put away that stack of books. I need to start on dinner, put away laundry, go, go, go, do, do, do.
I don’t even know what my current hobbies are. Playing Peekaboo and I’m Gonna Get You? Wiping butts? I’m reuniting with my passion for cooking now that my kiddos eat basically anything we eat, but a money and time budget only allow for so much playtime in the kitchen.
My family is my life, but I wonder if I’m giving them the best of me or if I’ve lost some of what makes me the best me I can be while I’m busy being the best wife/mom/housequeen I can be.
I love this.
I think all mothers relate to this, wonder this, fear this.
I just wrote a bit in my journal (probably to be published in a few days) about how guilty I feel for going to Philly with my momma & leaving Harrison. Then I remember that I have relationships outside of Harry that need to be loved & tended…or else I will completely lose myself.
Hey. First off, I love watching your triplets grow through the WWW. It’s like you and your family really are “friends”.
Second, what you are feeling is normal. Well, at least I went through it & I only have 1 child. My daughter is 2.5 and while I still struggle with the role of “mom” being added, it has become who I am. Being a mother is now part of what makes me, me. And once things are not so crazy, when they begin to play more on their own, or you can let me play in their room alone (with checks every few minutes or whatever), etc you will find the things you used to love coming back into your life. But never second guess that being a wife, chef, chauffeur, mom, maid, etc isn’t part of what makes you the best you you can be.
Yep….I feel this way much of the time since I became a mom. I’ve remarked (or wailed!) to friends & my husband “I don’t even know who I am anymore besides a wife, mom (and employee). That’s all I do.” Because I used to be someone else. It is the strangest feeling sometimes…but yet there is no time for anything else. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Being a mom in this day & age is so different than from years past, IMO.
Find her and grasp her as close to you as you can. Once she is gone, she is so hard to find again, if you can. Find the you that you want to be and nurture her as well as your family. If you don’t love and take care of yourself you can’t truly love and take care of others.
I hope you find the balance you are looking for and every mother so desperately needs.
I can’t say I relate completely since I only have ONE 1.5 year old kid, but when we babysat a friend’s one year old for three days I got a taste! Dueling diaper changes and making sure noone was eating something off the floor, etc! I imagine it will slow down and you will have more time as the kiddos grow. For now I think all you can do is keep going and know it will be worth it!
I know just what you mean! A money and timeframe budget seem to stifle everything. I mean, I’d love to rediscover myself in Paris or even CanCun. I’d love to cook more, but I’m too busy sweeping under our kitchen table FIVE times a day. Vacations aren’t even realistic at the moment because my husband and I are sort of paranoid and don’t ever want to leave our kids anywhere. SO, I’m left looking for other moms to vent with and laugh with!
Yes! It’s incredible how things have changed – I have a 2.5 year old and a 1 year old. Like you said, I don’t know what I like to do anymore because so many of my waking hours are devoted to child-raising. It’s true – there’s always something we could be doing.
I just read, Loving the Little Years, by Rachel Jankovic and she talked about just this thing and I agree with what she said. To get the whole idea you’d need to read the book but I’ll share a little bit. “…When you are married, your essential self is married. As your story grows, so does your character. Your children change you into a different person. If you suddenly panic because it all happened so fast and now you don’t recognize yourself, what you need is not time alone. What you need is your people. Look out– look at the people that made you who you are– your husband and your children. Study them. They are you. If you want to know yourself, concentrate on them.” She has five kids aged 5, 4, twins aged 2, and a 5 month old. Anyway, I liked what she said it seems very positive and embracing of children rather viewing them as taking something away. I’m not putting anyone down for wanting to have a hobby outside of kids, I just thought this was an encouraging perspective.