I realized today why I’m struggling so much with blogging lately.
I’m happy.
No, I’ll try that again. I’m happy! Exclamation point!
I blossomed as a writer when my thoughts were full of angst – from infertility through a high risk pregnancy and into life with three tiny preemies. My raw, painful feelings provided a tasty snack for my inner muse, and I was finally able to just write.
Now, life is … well, happy. It isn’t easy. It isn’t total bliss. I have moments, days, strings of days when I’m on edge more than I’d like, but when the dust settles and that hump is crossed, I’m happy again.
I don’t know how to write about happiness. It’s a pathetic problem to have, I know. Pin a rose on my nose! But I miss writing. I want to find a happy snack that’ll satiate my muse. I’m having a hard time picturing her as anything but a fat couch potato who refuses anything but junk food.
Hey, Muse! Try some broccoli for a change! Junky feelings aren’t the only feelings that should produce good writing from me. EAT. YOUR. VEGGIES.
I *so* hear you on this. And I think this has been my story since I was first writing – my early diaries were sporadic and filled with angst, of course, but also because I only felt compelled to write about the problems and heartbreaks. It’s harder to find a storyline when things are going well. And yet – it’s so nice to read that things are going well. So, however brief – I’m glad to hear it!
Totally hear you on this. Premature delivery, crazy long NICU stay, brain surgeries, adjusting to life as a new mom.. all easy to write about DAILY. Now? Yeah. I got nothin’. I guess it’s an amazing thing to have no complaints to drive my writing (or at least no complaints I’d write about publicly!) but I thought I was actually getting into that daily writing groove. Apparently not.
I absolutely understand. I used to blog all the time waaaay back before marriage and kids. I’ve been really happy the past year or so, so I really don’t feel like I have much to say. Well, I’ve also been really busy as well, so that might factor into it.
oh, how I understand.
Even as far as, “Will my readers like happy BA?” I was so angsty & dark & twisty for so long. Then I started vomitting unicorns & sunshine. It took me awhile to get used to it & to get comfortable with it until it became my voice.
The crazy, wonderful thing that happened was when I started being happy, I realized that my internet friends were happy for me rather than “missing the old BA.” They liked me in the sunshine.
& I like you in the sunshine
I feel the same way. I am most inspired when I am sad or depressed, which is just sad in itself!
When I’m happy I have trouble finding the words to express that.
I feel the same way. My infertility blog was a lot easier to write when it was all fresh and painful. With therapy helping me through my emotions and us not going through treatments, there just isn’t anything fueling my fingers to fly. I have feelings, just not gut-wrenching ones that usually send me to the keyboard to bang it all out.
I know what you mean about how writing about being happy can be difficult. I struggle to write about the amazing, happy moments without sounding insensitive or like I’m bragging. And it’s not like life is all sunshine & rainbows – it’s just that there are more good days than bad. But I just do the best I can to convey how I see the happy side of things.
Plus, it makes me smile that you’re so happy. Happiness for everyone!! 😀
I know this is an old post, but I’ve been thinking about it ever since you posted. The thing I keep coming back to (and yes, I weirdly think about random internet stranger’s thoughts and feelings on my commute home) is that having been in the infertility community you know lots of people who have experienced the pain of not being able to conceive and the horror of loss. And it’s hard to write about how wonderful things are when you know they aren’t wonderful for others. It’s much easier to share in a common struggle. It’s harder to celebrate without feeling guilty. But it’s ok. We are happy for you too!